


Everything Good and Everything Bad

by Ex0dus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, EXO - Freeform, EXO Fic, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 14:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10901229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ex0dus/pseuds/Ex0dus





	Everything Good and Everything Bad

"Thank you.” The words were purely habit, and Kyungsoo barely felt himself speak them. The deliveryman left solemnly; only vaguely aware of the intensity of the package he had just left. Kyungsoo sighed heavily as he pushed the door closed with his foot, lugging the large package into the house. The package was heavy, but it carried so much more than physical weight.  
    Kyungsoo’s hands ghosted over the tape that brought the brown cardboard flaps together, his hesitation evident. He was not sure he had the energy that this opening would require right now, but he was also desperate for what this package contained. His eyes glanced towards the bedroom before shifting quickly back to the package, his movement halted altogether. He had been half expecting to be caught by Chanyeol, expecting him to be peeking from the bedroom to find Kyungsoo opening his mail. This thought brought familiar brimming tears to his eyes.  
    Chanyeol had died. He was dead, and there was no changing that. There had been a freak plane accident when Chanyeol was on his way back from a meeting in another city. There was a malfunction, and then Chanyeol was dead along with about 20 other passengers on the plane. The details weren’t very clear to Kyungsoo as he had not been able to pay much attention when he was told the full story. Most of the words bounced off of his ears, and the only sound he heard was his quickly beating heart and this balloon-like empty silence that seemed to coldly fill his whole being. He had just been told that his love had died, and he could feel his soul die with him.  
    Now there was the package. Apparently in the wreckage from the crash, there were several pieces of almost completely undamaged wreckage. Chanyeol’s guitar had been completely destroyed and nobody even found it worth Kyungsoo’s time to look at. This luggage was different though. Its owner damaged beyond repair, but all these things, these stupid material things, were undamaged and ready to be opened.  
    Kyungsoo laid his hands heavily on the box where it rested on the coffee table. Chanyeol used to put his dirty shoes on the coffee table and Kyungsoo would scold him for his lack of manners. Chanyeol would always laugh, usually with food half-chewed in his mouth, and pull Kyungsoo toward him so they could watch TV together, ignoring the scolding altogether. Kyungsoo shook his head to shake the memory away. It wasn’t that he wanted to forget it; in fact he wanted nothing more than to remember forever and never step out of memories like that one. He simply had cried too much already, and if he continued this train of thought he would lose it again. He had to keep it together in order to make Chanyeol proud from wherever he was watching. He also had his friend, Baekhyun, coming over later to check in on him. Baekhyun had been a good friend of Chanyeol’s and had actually set Chanyeol and Kyungsoo up together all those years ago when they were so unaware of what they would eventually mean to each other.  
    He pulled lightly on the edges of the tape that closed the box, slowly scraping it off. There was a chapel bell tolling out the hour in the background: Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. He had about an hour and a half before Baekhyun would be arriving. He needed to at least move the luggage into another room in that time. He grabbed a hold of the tape with his fingers harshly and tried to gather up his strength. The more he tried to gather his courage to rip this open like a Band-Aid the more he felt his threshold for his emotions start to collapse. This whole time so far spent with the package had been in a kind of shocked state and his body was coming out of it now. The emotions he had been trying to push back were pulling themselves forward, fighting to be released. His breathing quickened, and his limbs felt weak. With a simultaneous yell and sob he ripped half of the tape off of the box. It looked like a sad excuse for a box now, half closed with a jagged piece of tape barely holding it together. Kyungsoo felt the tears coming down his face now and he felt idiotic. Each day had already been filled with so much crying and he wanted it to stop so badly but he couldn’t stop missing Chanyeol. There was an empty hole in everything he tried to do. There was too much coffee in the pot in the morning, too much space in the bed at night, too much silence in the house all the time, and Kyungsoo felt overwhelmed by all the lack of presence.  
    With all the strength he could muster, ignoring the tears that forced themselves down his face, he pried the box the rest of the way open. The flaps came open, seemingly relieved to have been released from their uncomfortable closed position. Kyungsoo flopped back on the couch, having properly and finally opened the package and held his head in his hands as his sobs continued. Standing was hard and he felt out of strength. He even contemplated staying in that position until Baekhyun showed up, letting the friend lift him from the couch to the bed where he could go into a momentary state of peace because the only way he could get peace was to see Chanyeol in his dreams. Each night was an escape to the past, to relive his favorite times with Chanyeol and also his least favorite: those ugly yelling arguments that he hated, the times where he thought their relationship was falling apart, the accusations, the hospital visits, and the tear streaked kisses that sometimes followed their arguments because though they were angry, they were angry because they just couldn’t communicate that they did everything in love. Every day felt like a cruel nightmare he had to keep reliving. He wanted every part of Chanyeol back. Kyungsoo didn’t care if he was arguing, or singing, or making that childish face he made when he knew he was right, or eating the food Kyungsoo had saved for himself in the refrigerator, or talking with his deep voice, or kissing him hard, or whispering all those sweet words in his ear, or tracing his hands down his body, or making love to him. Kyungsoo wanted it all back, everything bad and everything good because those things were all Chanyeol.  
    He felt suffocated from his crying, and upon realizing this he did his best to even out his breathing. He took deep shaky breaths and eventually calmed down enough to stand up to go back up to the box that lay open on the coffee table patiently. The open box revealed the luggage inside. Kyungsoo smiled slightly as he recognized the plaid design Chanyeol had picked out when they went to the store to get him a new piece of luggage a few years ago. Chanyeol had claimed it would be perfect because it was “easily recognizable” and also “extremely functional” since it could roll on all four wheels in any direction. Kyungsoo on the other hand had said it looked like an atrocity, but went along with Chanyeol because he knew he would not use the luggage since Kyungsoo’s work rarely involved travel.  
    Kyungsoo’s hand moved almost on its own accord to reach out and touch the shiny plastic cover of the luggage. There were many scratched in the design, it was obvious it had been through some rough carrying. The crash had not been easy on the luggage, that much was obvious. His fingers hovered above the sleek material, hesitant once again. It was true others must have had touched this since Chanyeol had last touched it, but Kyungsoo still felt as though touching would mean he was a degree closer to touching Chanyeol. He always had rough pads on his hands, and callouses on his fingers from the guitar. His muscles were firm from the time he spent at the gym, and his hair often a little bit dry from all those crazy colors he dyed it. Kyungsoo wanted to feel all of it again, any of it. In a burst of bravery, Kyungsoo’s fingers traced a few of the deep cuts made in the plastic. There was no pattern or logic to the damage done, but that seemed fitting to Kyungsoo because there had been no logic or pattern to Chanyeol’s death either.  
    Suddenly and uncharacteristically determined, Kyungsoo grabbed a firm hold of the luggage and slid it out of the box, bringing it swiftly to the bedroom. The box was forgotten in the living room, and Kyungsoo focused only on the luggage now. There was most likely not much in there now except for dirty clothes and some possible travel gifts for Kyungsoo. With shaky uncertain hands, he unzipped the luggage. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when the luggage sagged slightly open like it was letting out a sigh. It felt impossible to swallow, so Kyungsoo took a moment to let himself swallow properly before continuing bravely. He knew Chanyeol would be proud of him for doing this, for continuing without him, for facing his emotions, and most of all for not forgetting the good times together. Chanyeol used to complain to Kyungsoo about some of his friends who had just gone through breakups.  
    “They just forget, Kyungsoo!” He would throw his hands up dramatically, always speaking so empathetically. Kyungsoo would nod to show he was listening intently. “They forget they ever had anything nice between them at all. It’s like the second the person it gone, they feel like they’re in so much pain that they have to only remember the bad times. I get that they’re angry but that’s just not the truth.”  
    Kyungsoo remembered well, and oh had Kyungsoo gotten angry. He was angry with himself for not going with Chanyeol on the trip, angry with Chanyeol for dying so early and with so little warning, angry with God for doing this to him, and at one of his lowest points angry that he didn’t have the courage to die himself. He refused to forget the good parts though; he just couldn’t stay angry with the lanky man-boy that took up so much of his home and his heart.  
    He had been right, it was mostly dirty clothes inside the luggage. It was disappointing in a way Kyungsoo had not expected. He wished for memories but all he got was dirty laundry that there was no use in cleaning. In a fit of confusing frustration he threw the clothes all around the floor haphazardly, angry that nothing more substantial had been left for him. Then he paused suddenly. It was the smell that stopped him. It was Chanyeol’s smell. He had worn these clothes, dirtied them, and they smelled like him. Kyungsoo smiled weakly once more, and felt himself start to lose his sanity. He was desperate for anything to cling to of the man he loves so much. He laid a few shirts out carefully on the floor and curled himself up inside of them, laughing through some weak sobs. He doesn’t know exactly when he started crying again, but he somehow found it amusing. Kyungsoo just couldn’t keep himself together, no matter how hard he tried.  
    The bells rang once again, this time with 5 dings. Baekhyun would be over soon, probably early knowing his personality. Kyungsoo couldn’t stop laugh-crying though, and continued to bask in the smell of Chanyeol. It was pathetic and sad but he didn’t care. He lay there unmoving for so long he felt as though he were lying next to Chanyeol again; in fact he could almost see him. Kyungsoo let himself enjoy this insane mirage for a little bit.  
    After some time, Kyungsoo shifted slightly as he noticed his discomfort on the floor. Upon shifting, he felt something hard hit his foot. Startled, he sat up to see what had hurt him. It was something inside the pocket of one of pairs of pants he had thrown earlier. His heart raced, hoping for one of those cute travel gifts Chanyeol would get him every time he had to go somewhere for work.  
    It was at this time the bell rang, but Kyungsoo ignored it. Baekhyun knew where the spare key was and would use it eventually. Kyungsoo fumbled with the pants, struggling to get the item out of the pocket. His hands were shaky due to emotion, weakness, and hunger.  
    The doorbell rang again; Kyungsoo ignored it again. He pulled a black box out of the pocket and felt his bottom lip tremble. Even without opening it he knew what it was, a jewelry box. It was too small to be a necklace, and Kyungsoo didn’t wear earrings, and Chanyeol had never even known what a cufflink was. Shaking his head in disbelief he held the box in front of him. He wondered how long Chanyeol had this in his pocket. When did he buy it? When was he planning to propose? Was he even planning to propose or was he just going to wait for the perfect moment to present itself? Had he been nervous about it? Kyungsoo wanted to ask all of these questions and so, so many more.  
    Frantic knocking on the door broke through Kyungsoo’s thoughts, and he paid it no mind once again. Trembling, shaking, scared, excited, nervous, Kyungsoo slowly opened the small little black box and sobbed aloud as he saw the beautiful and simple diamond ring in the box. It was a circle of tiny diamonds to look like a plain silver wedding band, but with more spakle. It sparkled like it was brand new and showed no signs of destruction like the luggage had.  
    The lock made a noise as Baekhyun fumbled with the spare key, rushing to unlock it. Kyungsoo was enraptured with the ring, and still crying, took it out of the box to place it on his own finger. He knew there was another one somewhere, one to match that would be Chanyeol’s but he didn’t know where. His best guess, knowing Chanyeol, would be that Chanyeol kept it with him at all times, so it was most likely buried with him.  
    Baekhyun shouted Kyungsoo’s name as he entered the house, panicked and determined to find his friend before some harm could come to him. Kyungsoo placed the ring on his finger, and an eerie calm coming over his body. If Chanyeol were going to be buried with their wedding ring, then so would Kyungsoo. He vowed then to never take it off.  
    Baekhyun ran into the bedroom before pausing to get a look at the situation. He took every piece in, remembering the open package in the living room, seeing the opened piece of damaged luggage, the shirts that were too large for Kyungsoo scattered around the floor, Kyungsoo entangled in several of them, and lastly the ring Kyungsoo was looking at intensely on his finger.  
    With a voice that hadn’t been used in weeks, Kyungsoo spoke quietly, “Isn’t it beautiful?”  
    That was all he managed to choke out before breaking down into a sobbing mess. Baekhyun ran to him, holding him tight against his chest.  
    “Yes Kyungsoo, Yes. It’s the prettiest ring I’ve ever seen. It’s beautiful.”


End file.
